Strength and Sorrow: Reflections on the ones we lost book by Oyunga Pala

I experienced profound grief when I lost my elder sister, Nyangi.

Part of the process of grieving – and of compiling stories for this memoir – was about seeking permission to tell my own story.

I had been afraid to share my own grief, choosing instead to focus on the pain of others. I was afraid to look within to understand what memories of Nyangi and my dearly departed I held onto, as part of my grieving process. I was afraid to go into those unfamiliar depths.

But as I began collecting stories about death and dying from family, friends and absolute strangers, I could no longer pretend to be a detached observer.

Death was my main character. Death was my teacher. It was the villain in all my stories, and I was lashing back with tales of resilience and hope.

I relived grief with every story of loss I told in this collection. In most cases, it was grief that I did not know I had been holding under a tight lid. Pains that I forgot about erupted, and I remembered what I thought I had left in the past. There were many people I was still mourning.

My expression of empathy in the face of another’s sorrow allowed me to look into my own sorrow.

Observing the strength, resilience, or brokenness of others, led me to discover how my own experiences had shaped my outlook on life and death. And on living.